I had no idea how powerful eye contact can be?

"Profound eye contact can have a profound impact on people"

Our eyes are a major part of our non-verbal communication and perhaps the most important part.  It starts when we are babies and are bonding with our parents.   That eye contact conveys love and empathy.   We crave it all of our lives.   Done properly it can make you very persuasive.  

10 things good eye contact can do for you...

1.  Appear to be confident and competent

2.  Make you more likeable 

3.  Perceived as being trustworthy and sincere

4.  Appear to be attentive and appreciative

5.  More powerful

6.  Attractive

7.  Believable

8.  Appear to be wiser and smarter

9.  Charismatic

10. Empathetic

That's a pretty impressive list of benefits don't you think?   But of course we need to know how to do it right or we could end up creeping out or scaring someone off.   

6 things less eye contact will cause people to think of you...

1.  Distrustful

2.  Suspicious

3.  Lacking confidence

4.  Impersonal

5.  Uninterested

6.  Inattentive

Here's how to get it right..

Most people maintain eye contact around 70% of the time when they are talking and only 40% of the time when they are listening.   Not good!   We should strive to have eye contact 70-80% of the time both when we are talking and when we are listening.   If we were to maintain 100% eye contact it would be oft putting to the other person.  It would be just too stressful.   

Don't stare, that comes off as creepy and scary.   A soft focus relaxes our eyes and face.   This makes the other person more comfortable.   Accompanied by a smile and it can even feel charismatic.  

How to tell if someone likes you?

Our pupils dilate in darker light and when we see someone or something we like.    We can't control this, which is why you see card players wearing sunglasses in a bright room.   They want to hide their eyes so others can't read them.   So to know if someone is seeing or hearing something they really like, look to see if their pupils are dilating.   Cool, huh?

How to tell when someone is not buying what you are sellling...

When we don't like what we are hearing or seeing we tend to look away.   Yeah I know it's not fair however we are programmed to give more eye contact to attractive people and less to ugly people.   And if I like one product more than another, I can't stop myself from looking at it more.   So watch where their eyes go and it will tell you where their heart is.  

These are some of the techniques that mentalists use.   They appear to be reading your mind when they are actually reading your eyes.

What colour are their eyes?

Develop the habit of when you meet someone to look into their eyes to see what colour they are.   This will make them feel that you are giving them your full attention.   You will also find out that peoples eyes aren't just brown, blue or green.   They are a sea of shades of the dominant colour.   It's fascinating.  And as a bonus this will cause them to like you and bond quicker with you.  

A fascinating study...

A few weeks ago I was watching a program on PBS and they showing the results of a really fascinating study.   In the study they paired people off and had them look into each others eyes for 4 minutes.  They had the participants count the number of times the other person blinked.   This was just a ruse to help the people  get comfortable about looking into another persons eyes for a long time.

The results were amazing...

Everyone experienced an increase in likeability towards the other person.   Couples who had never met before felt attracted to the other person.  In some cases they later went on dates.

A couple that had been in a healthy relationship for 50 years was a really touching experience.   After the 4 minutes the husband started telling his wife how much she meant to him and how he wouldn't want to live without her.   The both teared up and started kissing and hugging.  Beautiful!

All who participated experienced increased trust and an interest in knowing more about the other person. 

Isn't that powerful?

Gut feelings..

People will often say, I just don't trust that person and I don't know why.   Or, I just don't feel right about so and so.    It may just be that you didn't give them sufficient eye contact.   They can't put their finger on it but it may just be that they are not getting the soft eye contact they crave.   Look back at that list of things less eye contact can cause people to experience?  And remember this...