Why email and texting is so darn ineffective?

"Email and texting has made communication easy, efficient and ineffective"

This blows my mind...

UCLA psychology professor Albert Mehrabian in his research found that what works best in human communication.     

7%    of a message is derived from the words spoken

38%  from the voice intonation

55%  from your facial expressions and body language

In other words the majority of communication is not carried by our words alone.

Using those figures from his research, here is the potential for the various forms of communication:

Texting and emails:     7%

Phone call:                45%

Face to face:           100%

Of course this depends on how you present your communications.    Just being face to face doesn't mean you will be able to persuade someone but as you can see it dramatically increases your odds.   

Requests are easy to either ignore or refuse when made by texting or emails.   They are harder to ignore or refuse with a personal phone call and really hard to ignore or refuse when face to face.   Why is that?

1.   The more personal the form of communicaton the  easier it is to read all the forms of communication (words, intonation and body language).

2.   The more personal the request the harder it is to say no.   The more distance from the presenter or requester the less personal it is and  the easier it is to ignore or refuse.  Simple!   And that is why I say...

Let me be clear I am not saying that you should not be professional.   Of course you should.  Your clients expect it and your competitors  are working hard to deliver it as well.   What I am saying is that the more personal your message the higher the likely hood you will get what you want.  

So the lesson here is....move the conversation offline when possible.   By far the best way to get your way is to get face to face because it is much harder to say no when they are looking you in the eye.  And if you can't do that, then the next best is to phone or video conference with your client.  

You have no idea how powerful a compliment can be?

"Some people are so stingy with their compliments you would think it was coming straight out their bank account"

Being appreciated is one the basic needs of humans.   Nothing makes us feel more appreciated than a genuine compliment.   So why are people so stingy with their compliments?  It doesn't cost a penny and yet can flood the recipient with the feel good hormone oxytocin.   And that's just the tip of the iceburg.   Here are some of the other benefits of a sincere compliment....

1.  Increase your likeability

2.  Lower resistance to your requests or persuasions

3.  Make the giver of the compliment appear to be confident and even more powerful

4.  Help to personalize a relationship

5.  As Shakespeare said....the scent of the rose clings to the giver (or something like that)

6.  And perhaps best of all it can cause the other person to induce reciprocity..

Understanding reciprocity and compliments..

A sincere compliment can make the receiver want to do something nice in return (reciprocity).   Let me tell you a little story..

Several years ago I was booking a flight for a holiday in Mexico.   I couldn't book the flight online as I usually do because I was also booking for a friend was coming from another city and we would be sharing the same room.   So I called the airline to book our flights and hotel room.   

The problem was the airline was in the process of changing their booking system and long story short, everything was screwed up.    So the biggest challenge I faced was getting through to an agent.   For 2 days I kept being put on hold for hours and could not get through a live human.   GRRRRRRR....

On the third day I finally got to talk to an agent named Melissa.   My frustration got the best of me and I started to unloaded that frustration upon her.   A minute or so later I realized that I was being a jerk because it wasn't her fault the system was so messed up.  So I apologized and she proceeded to solve all of my issues (well at least the one's related to my holiday plans haha).

When everything was done I said to her.....Melissa I must say you have been awesome.   You've been more than kind and patient than I deserved and I must also say that you have a sweet voice and give off such a warm positive energy that I've enjoyed talking to you.   Yah, I know an awesome compliment, right?

The compliment was sincere and certainly not intended for anything other than to be my way of saying thanks.   Melissa got a little emotional and then told me what a day from hell she was having dealing with so many frustrated people.    I asked for her managers contact information so I could pass on the compliment to her boss for her  superior customer skills.

End of the story....nope!   Five minutes after I hung up Melissa called back to tell me she had notified the hotel to ask for VIP status.  I didn't know what that meant but of course I thanked her.

On the flight to Mexico the attendant offered me and my companion free drinks...nice.   When we got to the hotel there was flowers and a bottle of wine in the room and a personal welcoming note from the Hotel manager. We were also given a free room upgrade  Plus a gift certificate for supper at the hotel.   Sweet.

So my queston is....why would anyone be stingy with their compliments?

One more thing..

Studies show that even false flattery works.   I'm certainly not recommending that however it does show how powerful compliments can be.  

Here is one the best compliments I ever got...

And finally I will have one for you...

Pssst....If you liked this please do me a favour and hit the f button below to share it with your facebook friends....thanks!

The secret to knowing whether someone likes you!

"The quickest and easiest way to know if someone likes you is if they laugh at your jokes"

Think about it.  That annoying guy at work, when he cracks a joke do you laugh?    That guy you have no interest in that keeps hitting on you, do you laugh at his jokes?   That narcissistic woman who you feel disdain for and is full of herself, do you laugh at her little cracks?    

Oh sure we can fake a chuckle when the boss makes a joke however it's obviously not sincere.   And guess what?   Others can see your fake chuckle.  

So if you want to know whether your client likes you?     How easily is it for them to laugh at your witty remarks?

 What are the best kind jokes and witty remarks to make?    Yep, self deprecating jokes are the safest kind to make.    Being able to laugh at yourself is actually a display of self confidence (as long as you do it sparingly).   Over due it and you might lose respect.  

If you and the other person can share a good laugh together then you can be comfortable knowing that they like you!   It's just that easy!

When we laugb we release the hormone oxytocin into our body.   Oxytocin if the feel good hormore that leads to bonding.    Mothers and babies are flooded with oxytocin at birth which causes them to bond.   A good hug release oxytocin and so does laughing.   Oxytocin lowers our resistance to others and causes us to trust others.  

Just seeing others smile and laugh releases oxytocin.   So......

  

   

Can using gestures make you more persuasive?

Whether you are making a speech, giving a presentation or trying to persuade someone to your point of view, understanding how to use gestures can make you more persuasive.    As you can see from this chart the experts tell us that body language (which includes gestures) is the most important element in being powerfully persuasive...

Here are the most important gestures and what they mean..

Hands at a 90 degree angle and fingers together conveys confidence in what you are saying.

Hands open with palms down means you are certain about what  you are saying.

Hands open with palms up means you are asking for something from your audience.

Hands open with palms at a 45 degree angle means you are being open and honest.

Hands to your chest or on your heart is meant to convey honesty.  It's easier to imagine how much more convincing President Clinton would have been had he used this gesture instead of the one he used when talking about Monica Lewinsky....

and what if you want to convey intelligence?

Steepling of your hands conveys intelligence and thoughtfullness.

Those are just some of the gestures that great speakers use to become more persuasive.    And of course politicians are the most practiced at using them.   Yeah, I know what you are thinking?   They need all the help they can get, right?

And finally I will leave you with this gesture and I'm pretty darn sure it needs no explanation...