How to tell if someone likes you?

"The quickest and easiest way to know if someone likes you is if they laugh at your jokes"

Think about it.  That annoying guy at work, when he cracks a joke do you laugh?    That guy you have no interest in that keeps hitting on you, do you laugh at his jokes?   That narcissistic woman who you feel disdain for and is full of herself, do you laugh at her little cracks?    

Oh sure we can fake a chuckle when the boss makes a joke however it's obviously not sincere.   And guess what?   Others can see your fake chuckle.  

So if you want to know whether your client likes you?     How easily is it for them to laugh at your witty remarks?

 What are the best kind jokes and witty remarks to make?    Yep, self deprecating jokes are the safest kind to make.    Being able to laugh at yourself is actually a display of self confidence (as long as you do it sparingly).   Over due it and you might lose respect.  

If you and the other person can share a good laugh together then you can be comfortable knowing that they like you!   It's just that easy!

When we laugh we release the hormone oxytocin into our body.   Oxytocin if the feel good hormone that leads to bonding.    Mothers and babies are flooded with oxytocin at birth which causes them to bond.   A good hug release oxytocin and so does laughing.   Oxytocin lowers our resistance to others and causes us to trust others.  

Just seeing others smile and laugh releases oxytocin.   So......

BONUS.... another method to tell is someone likes you is to look into their eyes and see if their pupils dilate (expand).   When we see or hear things we like our pupils dilate and when we don't like something or someone our pupils contarct (think beady eyes).   Of course we have to remember that bright lights make pupils contract so bear that in mind.  

The amazing power of a compliment

"The power of a good compliment is only limited by its lack of use"

A good compliment is a wonderful gift that costs the giver nothing and  makes both the receiver and giver feel good.    It can also make you more likeable and lead to;  friendship, love and new business opportunities.

When you make someone feel good about themselves, they will credit you for helping them attain the good feeling.  It is like a gift and that gift triggers reciprocity.   Reciprocity is when you feel the need to repay a gift, kindness or favor and often with something greater than what you got.  This doesn't happen all of the time but frequent enough that it is a terrific investment.

"Most people give out compliments like it was coming straight out of their bank account"

All of us have three great emotional needs;  acceptance, appreciation and attention.   A good compliment can fill all of those needs.   So why be stingy?   Knowing how to deliver a terrific and timely compliment can

be good for business and even make you a better human being.   In any relationship (personal or business) a sincere compliment is the applause that refreshes.   

Prepare to praise and prepare to be rewarded for it   

A good compliment should be in your tool box of persuasion techniques.   It can lower a client's resistance instantly and cause them to give you a serious look.   It's hard to find a rapport building technique that works faster than a compliment, so why not prepare to praise.  Before you next big client meeting ask yourself, what can I compliment them on?   Knowing what you are going to say ahead of time will make it easier for you to slip  it into the flow of the conversation.   

Don't just praise the obvious like most others do

When someone is a known expert on something, they know it.   When you compliment that expertise, it's something they've probably heard a hundred times and it means little to them.   Compliment them on a less obvious skill and their ears will perk up.    

Imagine that you've just heard a very polished and professional speaker.   Saying to her that she did a great job is nice but something she's heard many times.   Saying to her something like this;   'you must have worked very hard for a long time to have become the polished speaker you are now'.    Now you've really got her attention plus you've opened the door for a meaningful conversation about the time and work she put into her area of expertise.  That is much more valuable than just a thank you. 

A business building compliment

Done right this is a form of a compliment that most don't think of but can be very productive.   Ask for advice or an opinion.   Asking for advice is a way of saying that the other person has expertise above and beyond yours.   It causes the other person to think better of you, since you were obviously smart enough to seek their wise counsel.    Just don't make the mistake of asking for advice on something the other person is not  great at.   When they know they have no expertise in that area they wonder why would you ask?  Then their estimation of you can drop. 

A terrific first impression

If you know you are about to be introduced to someone scan for something to compliment them on.   Instant like-ability!    Imagine you are being introduced to a guy and he say's something like this,  'I'm really happy to meet you Mary, I couldn't help but notice that everyone here seems to  hold you in such high respect.'   How could you not like someone who says that?

One more thing...

Always use their name when giving a compliment.   We love to hear people say our name.    It personalizes the compliment and increases it's attention getting powers.   Most people don't think to do this but then you are not most people.   

How to build your business and become a better person at the same time?

Compliment everyone!  Don't just save your compliments for important people or people who can help you. Remember what I said earlier?    Some people throw around compliments like it was coming out of their bank account.    A compliment is a gift and it costs nothing, so be generous.   

Some folks go through life rarely hearing any kind of praise.   That's kind of sad.   So make the world a better and kinder place by looking for something/anything to praise others for.  Make it a habit because it will make you a better person in the process.  Be the one that others see as kind and generous.   It cost nothing and yet can make someone's day.  

So compliment the President of the company and the beggar on the street because it will make their day and yours too!   Make it a habit.

Advice from John Gottman the expert on making relationships last

John's research has identified the magic ration of 5 to 1.    For every criticism you need to have 5 positive things to say to your spouse in order to maintain a long term happy relationship.   I'm thinking this is not only good advice for couples but for your employees, customers and peers as well.  

Compliments make you appear to be self confident

A person without confidence will rarely if ever hand a compliment.   They don't want to draw attention to themselves.  A confident person values his own opinion and that's what you show when you give a compliment, confidence!

5 compliments a day makes your troubles go away

Ok, I just made that up however it makes good sense to me.   We need to make praise a habit.   So practice on everyone and judge for yourself the results?   I tried this for 30 days and here is what I witnessed...

1.  People seemed happier to see me

2.  I made a lot of people smile

3.  I was called;  charming, nice, kind (and a flirt)

4.  Clients lost their resistance to hearing my ideas and proposals (more persuasive).

5.  People like to do things for me!  

So what have we learned?

1.  A good compliment is a gift

2.  Don't just praise the obvious

3.  Prepare to praise

4.  Don't just praise the obvious like most people do

5.  Compliments can help you make a terrific first impression

6.  Always attach their first name to the compliment

7.  Compliment everyone (it's good for business and your soul)

8.  The magic ration for relationships is 5 comliments to 1 criticism

9.  Be the giver of compliments and you will appear to be more self confident

10.  You may be perceived as a flirt!   (that's ok I can deal with that...haha)

   

  

Why is Donald Trump leading the polls? What can we learn from it?

I thought it would interesting and fun to examine how and why Donald Trump became the leading contender for the Republican Party's Presidential nomination for?   What are the lessons we can learn?  Trump is beating the pundits expectations dramatically.   Few if any political experts thought he could maintain front runner status for this long.

4 reasons why Donald Trump should NOT be leading the pack?

1.  He is misogynistic...(contempt, dislike or prejudice against women)

He judges women by their physical appearance.   When referring to fellow Republican Carly Fiorina he said, 'would you vote for that face to be President'.    When referencing tough questions from Fox reporter Megan Kelly he said, 'she had blood coming out of her eyes and you know wherever else'.     Referring to his own daughter he said, 'if she wasn't my daughter I would probably date her'.    He has often called women fat, ugly and many other unpleasant names.

Why would any woman vote for him?

2.  He is racist...

Trump has called illegal Mexican immigrants rapists and murderers.   He said he would start to  deport 11 million of them the day he is elected so fast it would make your head spin.

Why would any Latino citizen vote for him?

3.  He is a bully...

He calls his fellow candidates low energy (which is code for lazy)  losers, stupid, ugly, incompetent, and nobody's.

Why would any candidate who has been bullied  support his campaign against the Democratic candidate, if he were to win. 

4.  He makes ridiculous claims without any supporting evidence that any of it is possible..

Trump says he would cancel the right to American citizenship when you are born there.   This despite the fact that it would require a constitution act of congress.

Trump claims he can solve all of  the middle east problems and easily negotiate  with Putin and get him to do what he wants. 

He would build a massive wall between the US and Mexico and make the Mexicans pay for it.  How?

I could go on and on but you get my point?  

4 reasons why Trump is leading in the polls...

1.  Halo effect..

The Halo Effect is when we assume that if someone is great at one thing, that they will be great at most anything else they do.   So when a famous actress gives public advice on medical matters despite having no expertise, and millions follow her advice that is the halo effect.  

Even large corporations fall for this.    Many times a powerful leader from one industry has been hired away to lead a company in some totally different field and failed massively.   Different corporations have different cultures and the skills to run one company are not necessarily the same skills needed at another.

The skills to run a business are not the same skills needed to run a country.   The power skills to run a large corporation are not as important as diplomatic skills are to a future President.   In business you can just say, 'you're fired' if you don't like the results you are getting, however you can't say. 'you're fired' to congress or the constitution?

When we see someone who projects power, extreme confidence and a clear sense of what needs to be done  we assume that they are capable of getting it done.   Of course history tells us that many a man with those qualities led his country into a disaster (think Hitler for one)    That is the 'Halo effect' working on our non conscious mind.  

2.  Simple repeatable message with an emotional hook..

In Obama's first election his message was,  Yes We Can!   Simple, repeatable and an anti-establishment emotional hook.

Trump's message is. Make America Great Again!   Again simple, repeatable and with another anti-establishment emotional hook.

To be effective your message has to be heard and seen over and over again.   Trump does that.

3.  Magical thinking...

Faith healers, psychics, cult leaders, con artists, advertisers and politicians are masters of magical thinking.  They promise they have the answer to whatever ails you or your country.   A vote or some of your money is all you need to make the problems go away.   

We are susceptible to magical thinking, that's why we buy lotto tickets (despite million to one odds)  buy stuff we don't need (think beauty products etc)   give our money to con artists (think Bernie Maddoff)  and vote for politicians who promise us the moon and deliver us into recessions.   

We can't help ourselves, we just want so hard to believe in the quick fix.    

Donald Trump is the master of magical thinking.   He tells voter he will be God's greatest job creating President ever!  (no explanation how except that he knows some very very smart people).   He says he will make the world bow down to the US....we will win  so many times that you will get tired of winning!  He will deport 11 million people and change right to citizenship for illegals born here, so fast it will make your head spin.   

When pushed on how he is going to do all of this, he says he is very very rich and knows lots of really smart people.   Not big on details because details destroy magical thinking.  

4.  Appeals to fears and prejudices...

Trump is taping into the fears of many white citizens that black and brown people are over taking the country.   He is also taping into the strong anti establishment feelings in his party.   Many of them fear that they are losing influence and Trump they think is the man to stick it to the old boys.   

Trump whenever he is pushed on his racist or misogynistic comments will often say, well I just don't have time for political correctness.   What does that really mean?   It means he is giving himself and his supporters the right to say mean and hateful stuff under the guise that they are not putting up with political correctness.  Those who share his stated beliefs are only too happy to excuse him for insulting or demeaning others.

5.  Donald Trump is a show man...

Trump wants to project extreme wealth so he flies around in a massive plane with his name plastered over it.  What other billionaire (think Gates or Buffet who are many times wealthier than him) who would do that?   They are confident in their wealth and don't have need to be so garish.   However, Trump does know that if you want the job, you have to look the part, so he flies around in a plane that at least in size matches Air Force One (the Presidents plane).

When Trump speaks he literally owns the podium.    He doesn't need a teleprompter because he wants to display extreme confidence and of course mocks the others that do.   He doesn't give speeches he just rambles and entertains.   Saying outrageous stuff and making fun of or insulting others.  It's quite a show and like a car accident even if you don't want to look, you can't help yourself.  

So can Donald Trump win the Republican nomination?   In my mind, maybe.  

Can he become President?   Almost certainly not.

Why?   Because he has offended to many blocks of voters.    It is near impossible to see him winning a majority of women, latino's and blacks to remain in contention. 

Still there is a perverse pleasure in watching and waiting for the next outrageous thing to come out of his mouth!

Tell me what you think?