Secrets Of Con Artists





Confession...

While I was studying how con artists work, I came to the realization that they use a lot of the same techniques  I teach in persuasion courses.   YIKES!   The only difference between con artists and me is 'intent'.  

I teach persuasion techniques in order for you and clients to reach a mutually beneficial outcome.   However, there is always the possiblity that some people will use them to manipulate you.  I'm comfortable with my intent.

So how do con artists work?

1.   Extreme likeability.   Con artists appear to be generous and kind.  The will often give you small gifts or do you favors to win your confidence. They project warmth and sincerity and confidence.   The attitbutes of people we might say are charismatic.

2.  Client intelligence or should I say victim intelligence.   A con artist wants to know everything possible about his/her mark.   They want to know your likes and dislikes.   To gather this 'intel' they will search your social media, do internet searches and ask a ton of questions to get to know you. The idea is to get you to talk twice as much as they do.  And who doesn't like to talk about themselves?

3.  Seek the similarities.   First they want to find out everything they can that they share in common with you.   Next, they will fake similarties to further gain your confidences.   They want to appear to be similar to you so that you will lower your resistance.  This builds trust and likeability. Often it will feel to their victim that they have found their soul mate or a brother or sister. 

4.  Ask for a small favor followed by a much bigger favor.   This is the 'Ben Franklin' principal.   Old Ben found out that if you ask for a small favor, the other person starts to like you (after all he did a kindness for you) and then is more open to a bigger favor later.  This has been researched and proven to work.

5.  Learns your emotional triggers.   Your passions, your hurts and your desires.  And most common amongst con artists is to appeal to your greed.

6.  Listen and make adjustments.   Not every con goes smoothly so they are careful to listen and observe everything you do and say.    They need to pay attention to your body language....to read you like a book.  Only when everything looks positive will they attempt to give you their amazing pitch or plead for your help.

7.  Show immense gratitude and appreciation for who and what you are.  It is difficult not to like and trust someone who sees the greatness in you that others don't appreciate. 

8.  Repeat back what you say to them.   This makes you feel like they really are paying intense interest in you.

9.  To gain your respect they will show you their (fake)  accomplishments and credentials.  This works even  better if someone else does the bragging about the con's attibutes.  After all he is too humble to brag, right?

10.   Only after they feel that you like, trust and respect them will they make the pitch that is going to seperate you from your money.

I'm not trying to teach anyone how to be a con artist however how can it not be a good thing to know how they operate.   If you gut instinct tells you something isn't right..trust it.   However, if we all good at that intution thing no one would ever get conned. 

Bonus....whenever someone is trying to sell you something observe how many of these techniques they are using?  It will be an eye opener.   Cheers!

Using gestures will make you more persuasive

Whether you are making a speech, giving a presentation or trying to persuade someone to your point of view, understanding how to use gestures can make you more persuasive.    As you can see from this chart the experts tell us that body language (which includes gestures) is the most important element in being powerfully persuasive...

Here are the most important gestures and what they mean..

Hands at a 90 degree angle and fingers together conveys confidence in what you are saying.

Hands open with palms down means you are certain about what  you are saying.

Hands open with palms up means you are asking for something from your audience.

Hands open with palms at a 45 degree angle means you are being open and honest.

Hands to your chest or on your heart is meant to convey honesty.  It's easier to imagine how much more convincing President Clinton would have been had he used this gesture instead of the one he used when talking about Monica Lewinsky....

and what if you want to convey intelligence?

Steepling of your hands conveys intelligence, confidence and thoughtfulness.

Those are just some of the gestures that great speakers use to become more persuasive.    And of course the most successful politicians are the most practiced at using them.  

Finally I will leave you with this gesture and I'm pretty darn sure it needs no explanation...

A magical motivator

That was easy!

Have you ever had a great idea and then forgot about it, only to re-discover it again?   Here's mine..

When I published my first book, 'How To Seduce Life' a friend gave me one of those easy buttons from Staples.  She said, 'you want life to be fun, easy and abundant' so here is your easy button.   Amusing.

Then I was playing with it one day and had an idea.   What if each time I do something on my to do list, I get to hit the button.   What the heck, why not try it.   And of course I did not allow myself to touch it for no other reason other than the completion of something on my list.

I tried it for a week and darn if it didn't work!   I got obsessed with earning the right to hit the stupid button and hear that voice say, 'that was easy'.   I was doing more in the mornings than I normally did all day.

One day I told a teacher friend about my goofy idea.   I asked him, why don't you try it on your students?  After the students complete some task, they get to come up to the front of the class and hit the button.  He said, ok if you buy me a button.   That's the problem with my teacher friend; short arms and deep pockets.  I went to Staples and bought him one.

A few days later he phoned me and said, 'I hate to admit it Edweirdo but you were right, the damn thing works like a charm.   The kids love it and will focus like a pigion on a french fry to finish the task just so they can run up to the front of the class and hit your stupid button.

Why it works..

Because completing a task and then hitting the button gives you a shot of dopamine (one of the feel good neurochemicals). It's fun.  Giving grown ups monetary rewards or kids cookies to motivate them wears off because the fun quickly goes away and its back to status boring.  Rewards and punishments are two sides of the same coin.  Both have a negative effect because they are manipulative.

Watching a team sports game I got wondering about motivates the athletes.  Sure there is the end prize, a championship.   However, only one team wins it all.   Teams have a ton of little celebrations.   Scoring goals or touchdowns are examples.  However, have you ever noticed players high fiving each others, giving fist bumps and pats on the bum?   These are the mini-celebrations that motivate players to risk hurting their bodies to help the team win.

What kind of mini-celebrations do you during a normal work day?   Yeah, just what I thought; none or damn few.   No wonder so few people operate no where near optimal performance at work.   And what if there is no one around to give the pat on the back for a job well done?

It is anticipation of the mini-celebration that releases the dopamine.    So my easy button is my mini-celebration.   It feels good to spank that baby when I check off another item off my to do list.

So what did I do with my breakthrough idea?

I went on an extended holiday and forgot about it.  Idiot.  Two days ago, I opened a drawer and spied the easy button.  Then it all flooded back to me.   So I repeated my little experiment.  Same results.  Got more done on my 'to do list' in the morning than I was normally doing all day.  That was easy!  Ok, I admit it, I'm a slow learner.  Now my plan is to continue with it and see how long it continues to work for me.  Maybe, I can finally get my book done.  

Now I'm thinking..

What if I had a button that I could record messages on?  So if the message 'that was easy' wore off, I could change the message?  Or better yet, multiple messages so that it is a surprise which message I will get? Maybe I could get some lady with a sexy excited voice  to record....'Yahoo handsome you did it again!' or 'Yeah baby you're the best'   Ok, got a little carried away.  Probably not a good idea if any co-workers or your boss heard that.

And now that I've completed writing this article, I can cross it off my to do list and go spank that button.  That was easy!

I'm done with hard and difficult

I'm done with hard and difficult

Imagine that you are on this tropical beach laying in that hammock. It is a beautiful sunny day with a gentle breeze off of the ocean. You are warm, relaxed and peaceful. The sun feels sooo good on your body. You are totally contented and happy. Swaying gently in your hammock the thought occurs to you, if I have any problems I can't remember them. Live is good and you are at total peace with yourself in this warm tropical paradise.

Now think about me the writer (that would be me). How do you feel about me?  Odds are that if you really allowed yourself to imagine being in that hammock on the beach that you will feel positive about me. Just by imagining being warm and relaxed improves your feelings about me or anyone else you immediately come into contact with.

So why am I telling you this? Because the feeling of warmth is very seductive. If you want to persuade someone to or to buy your product or service you should always try to warm them up first. This is a persuasion technique called priming. It is priming you with a good feeling before introducing any request.

I'm not saying that you should bring them pictures of tropical beaches (but it might help). There are many ways to warm up a person. Here are a few...

Give them a hot drink. Researchers found that just holding a hot drink (without drinking it) caused people to feel warmer towards others. They also found that when people were given a hot drink they became more generous and more likely to give. So you want your sweetie to do something for you, give them a hot drink first.

A warm handshake warms both of you. Now if you live in a cold climate you need to ensure that you warm up your hands before shaking hands with someone. If you know are going to be introduced to someone, you can discretely warm up your hands. Just rub your hands together rapidly. They won't know why but they will instantly feel a closer bond with you by shaking a warm hand. Cool huh?

TIP.....Imagine you are about to meet someone.  Before you are introduced hold a hot cup of coffee in your right hand. Just before you shake hands transfer the cup to your left hand.  Your hand will be nice and warm. Sub consciously the other person will just assume you to be a warm person because we all know that warm hands equal a warm heart, right?  That first impression is so powerful and research says...lasting. Try it!

Who doesn't love a good hug? Sadly there are a very few who don't like to be touched but not many. The problem is its not a good idea to hug people you just met in a business situation. But if you are going to persuade someone you know and you can safely hug them they will melt in agreement. Just thinking about this makes me want a hug?

I know a business lady who hugs her clients whenever they meet. They love her and wouldn't dream of taking their business elsewhere. Because...

"When you earn your business with the best price, product or service...you might lose that business if someone else has a better price, product or service. But if they really like you....you really have to screw up before they go elsewhere"

A great smile will warm any heart. You've got it so use it! It's darn near impossible to resist returning a great smile.

Warm words. Researchers found that when bell hops went to carry bags from a room for guests that if they mentioned it was a beautiful sunny day their tips increased. Just talking about a sunny day was enough to warm up the other person. So words matter. Oh, by the way did I mention its going to be a beautiful sunny day today? And how would you feel about buying me a Baileys and coffee?

And finally....

That's right....its good to have beautiful sunny images to warm up you and your clients. Researchers have found that just by looking at pictures like the one above it also makes you more creative. So right now my desktop background picture is this one.

Now that I've warmed you up to my ideas, did you know that I love teaching others how to become....'Powerfully Persuasive'?

Contact me at edsemail@shaw.ca and lets talk if you want to laugh and learn at your next event?